Review: Music Video Bjork "Earth Intruders"

So today was spent making more inventory for my ever expanding online shop through etsy (clicky clicky), and I am exhausted. My sewing/crafting/art station is set up like a workbench, meaning no chair to sit at while sewing/crafting/art-ing, meaning I stand up the whole time, meaning I was on my feet for six+ hours today since I refuse to use a pattern for anything I work on. Takes out a huge portion of the creativity and personality of the work. I would rather free form a design that I'm proud of than create cookie cutter perfect inventory for a website that claims to sell handmade work any day.

So, sorry for posting ANOTHER Bjork review, but the video was leaked today and it is beyond awesome.

Imagine, if you will, that wonderful sequence in Disney's Fantasia where all the pilgrims are travelling along the forest and hills during the Ava Maria. Take that style of overlayed animation, only execute it with dancers in costuming that wouldn't be out of place in Disney's Animal Kingdom. Now turn that into a 2-D cut out shadowbox style animation over an ever changing background. Make sure the choreography follows not the rhythm of the song, but the patterns and movements of the backing instruments. Now, add in Bjork's gigantic head as the face of the Earth, some lasers destroying the immediate environment, and Bjork's crazy music and you have some very bizarre, yet wonderfully delightful art.

Suddenly, I have a strange urge to see Bjork direct Disney's The Lion King.

Review: Music Video "Lip Gloss" by Lil Mama

Gather round, my children, and let me tell you a tale.

Seriously, I feel like I would be betraying ya'll's trust if I did not let you know at the onset about what will surely blow up to be the huge novelty jam of summer 2007.

Meet Lil Mama: a sassy tone deaf rapper with an affinity for over the top choreographed "retarded" (I seriously remember an MTV news segment on a whole lot of teenagers who liked to get retarded, meaning dance around like damn fools in some weird amalgam of hip hop, krump, demonic possession-like movements, and straight up stupidity) dancing. She will never have another hit song on her own again, so she better stretch what little fame she will achieve and save her dollars for the good stuff (MAC cosmetics at Macy's...duh).

In a video that seemed more fit to be a plot point (or wrap up point) in a Christopher Guest movie, our protagonist is dropped off at school by her mother, only to be given a last minute gift: a silver bracelet/locket filled with magically, poppin lip gloss that makes everyone want to be her friend. As she merrily dances her way through the school day, Lil Mama picks up more and more friends until she has to admit in the end to her mother that that lip gloss really is poppin.

It's as awful as it sounds: enjoy.

The Top 5 Music Videos You Have Never Seen (Released After 2000)

I am a huge fan of the music video. I long for those nights where I just can't sleep, so I curl up in front of my TV and watch music videos until the sun comes up. Because of this habit, I have seen music videos some people may not even think really exist. This list is by no means exhaustive, even with the stipulation of the videos being released after 2000. It's a good starting point for recent forgotten music videos.

Number 5: Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap
Even with her recent Grammy nominations, Imogen Heap is not a household name, and she probably never will be. The most recognition she received was through the use of her song Hide and Seek on the TV show The OC, but even then, people learned the song and not her name. The music video is equally as impressive as the rich tapestry of layered vocals she created for the song with her keyboard and a vocoder. Instead of the standard wide screen format, the camera is turned ninety degrees, meaning the video is seen in a tiny vertical sliver on the screen. The visuals are simple: Imogen in a plain room with simple costume, lighting, and effect changes with her just singing her song. It's beautiful in its simplicity, and a perfect match for this rich musical experience.



Number 4: Gimme by Jill Scott
If I had to pick one artist who truly came into their own since 2000 that will still be relevant twenty years from now, it would be Jill Scott. Her second album, 826+, was a double disc album, featuring one CD of a live concert and another CD of newly released tracks that somehow didn't make it onto Who is Jill Scott: Words and Sounds, Vol. 1. The one single used to promote the release was Gimme, a mid-tempo jam about the joys of being in a strong, sexually fueled relationship. In the video, Jill Scott plays Dr. Love, who brings joy and happiness to all the patients in her hospital with her trust nurses Hugs and Kisses. In the end, everyone feels so great and filled with love that they all dance together. This video is great for two reasons: 1) it shows just how talented Jill Scott is while allowing her to show that she doesn't take herself too seriously; 2) it adds an entire new level of context to the song. Any video that can realistically expand and improve upon the song by adding more complexity to it is a great music video.

Watch on Yahoo! Launch

Number 3: Natural Blues by Moby
This music video, more than any other, truly represents Moby's career. He is best known for his brilliant business sense, linking his songs to international ad campaigns with few people ever learning his name. This somber video shows Moby as an old man - a showcase of some of the best make-up since Michael Jackson's video Thriller - looking back on his achievements at the end of his life while wasting away in a nursing home. Eventually, Cristina Ricci appears as a dancing angel of mercy to end Moby's suffering and bring him new life. This video is so beautiful and so sad that I can't help but cry every time I see it. Leave it to Moby to create a brilliant statement on the fleeting nature of fame and everyone's inevitable end without anybody truly realizing what he is doing.


Number 2: Time and Time Again by Chronic Future
What? An anti-war video that doesn't blame the Bush administration for everyone's problems? Yes, Chronic Future's animated video for Time and Time Again is commentary on what can happen when people choose to fight in a war for reasons other than a true desire to defend their nation. Equally sad and infuriating, Chronic Future used simple, computer generated cut-out animation to make a statement that says far more in three and a half minutes than all the angry words a musician could ever say about war could ever achieve.



Number 1: Pagan Poetry by Bjork
This is a controversial video. It wasn't seen by many because it features brief glimpses of suggestive (and full) nudity. It wasn't aired by most because of the extremely disturbing physical content. The video to Bjork's greatest song - and my favorite song of all time (previously Gretchen am Spinnrade by Franz Schubert - has Bjork stitching strands of pearls into her skin with a needle. The sexual nature is suggested, not explicit, and the graphic content is artistic, not vulgar. This video may be hard to watch, but it is a perfect match to a deeply personal and passionate song. It easily belongs up on a wall in an art gallery as part of a digital display of film making.

Review: Avril Lavigne's new video "Girlfriend"

Ladies and Gentleman, I introduce to you, the long awaited follow-up to critically acclaimed album Under My Skin, from the punk rocker that brought you such hits as "Complicated", "Sk8r Boi", and "My Happy Ending", former nominee for Best New Artist at the Grammy Awards, Mrs. Avril Lavigne with her soon to be Kids Choice Awards winning Music Video: "Girlfriend"



Words cannot describe the pure artistic genius of this video.

For starters, that no talent ho Christina Aguilera TOTALLY stole Avril's whole Vanilla, Srawberry, Chocolate hair and choreography concept for her Candyman video, but really, who wouldn't?

Second, that song is SO smart, like "Sk8r Boi", but fortunately, all the on-tour tutoring corrected Avril's prior spelling errors and taught her that linguistic shortcuts are no way to build a career.

Third, Mariah must be steaming that Avril borrowed her video concept from "Heartbreaker" and made it award worthy.

Fourth, if Perez loves it, then it must be good.

Fifth, if you believe a single word I wrote in this post, you, my friend, need to revisit sarcastic snarking 101 and then come back to this site.

Sixth: I still have not posted my totally ground breaking, award worthy, artistic, creative, wonderful surprise post for today, and I genuinely hope to have it up by midnight. Hallelujah Hollaback, bitches. I'll eat your food.

Sorry, I started to think of The White Rapper Project for a second there. Fake as it is, it really is funny to laugh at the stupidity and lack of talent among the contestants.

And just so everyone hates me after this: Yankees suck, Scorsese sucks, ScarJo Sucks, Obama Sucks, JayZ sucks, TV sucks, Earth Sucks, and Your Mama sucks.

PS: Did you go back and review your snark manual for that last part? I sure hope so.

PPS: I still will hold out judgment on Avril's album "The Best Thing" because I really believe this girl is talented. But if all the songs are like this, she really should just stick with writing songs for Kelly Clarkson and other Idol alums.

Review - Justin Timberlake's What Goes Around... Video

Ah, early morning posts. Nothing in the world quite like not getting any sleep at all because your two dogs have been fighting non-stop for the past 48 hours and tuning into some actual music videos on, of all stations, MTV.

So, of course, I wind up being really offended by what I see.

Let me start by saying I am not a prude, nor am I faint of heart. I enjoy almost any form of entertainment, but hold a fondness in my heart for the horror genre. If you can take my attention away from what's happening in the real world and scare me more than things that might actually impact my actual life? That's impressive. I'm not a huge gore hound, but I love twisted, psychological horror, including: Audition, Repulsion, The Eye, Carnival of Souls, and the single greatest film of all time regardless of genre. I even enjoy the occasional revenge fantasy, such as The Stendhal Syndrome, Last House on the Left, or even (in a sick and twisted way) the earlier entries in Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street series.

So, I figure, I'm pretty prepared for most of the stuff that can appear in a music video, since there are certain standards in place to make sure Viacom doesn't lose it's target audience of tweens.

And then What Goes Around comes on. This is the single most disgusting, disturbing, and infuriating music video I have ever seen in my life. Here's the basic plot: Justin Timberlake plays a dirtbag trying to pick up a kinda slutty girl (perfectly played by Scarlett Johansson) at a bar, even though JT has been told by SJ that she is with someone else. Musical interlude of the two getting drunk and doing some heavy petting, musical interlude of JT pretending to be an airplane while firedancers perform behind him, dialogue with the guy that SJ said she was with clearly hitting on her again, musical interlude with JT pretending he's an airplane, dialogue scene where JT beats the crap out of the other guy for making out with SJ, musical interlude where JT chases SJ out of their apartment building, into her car, chases her with his car, and FORCES HER INTO A FLAMING CAR ACCIDENT THAT TOSSES HER OUT OF HER CAR AND KILLS HER ON IMPACT, and end with JT looking smugly satisfied.

What can I say? Justin Timberlake is a scumbag, but I already knew this. I might not even mind it so much, but with past videos JT has shown a significant lack of social skills necessary to cope with a break-up in a healthy way. The revenge fantasies he provides are not exactly an intelligent glimpse into this kind of event. This video is a disturbing glimpse into the mind of a man who never learned proper social behavior, and I for one would feel better if I never had to watch it again.

It's great that a man who only has a career because he was dating Britney Spears can get away with this. From discussions and lectures provided by music industry professionals who worked on this amazing transformation, JT was viewed as a liability to Britney's career because he was so nerdy. Therefore, he was given a solo record deal, a complete image makeover, and now has a successful, award winning career. Because he dated Britney Spears, she of the total and complete mental breakdown.

Where am I going with this? I want to know if I'm overreacting. Watch the video and tell me what you think.