Review: Apple Raisin Betty, a "Recipe" from Sandra Lee (actual review forthcoming)

I cannot believe that I have yet to mention the absolute bane of my TV cooking show addicted existence on this blog yet. Sandra Lee, of the Semi-Homemade Cooking show on Food Network. Why this harpy has a career I will never know (well, I'm pretty sure it had something to do with big dinnert, desert, and something to do with pixie stix), but she has provided me and my fellow shrikes with countless hours of entertainment at her loony expense. I mean, how am I supposed to respect a cook who does this for Christmas? TrentSketch Safety Tip: please do not watch this while drinking. Your computer doesn't enjoy being sprayed with a refreshing beverage. Also, make sure that beverage is not a "Cucktail" from SLop. The sad thing is, THAT is an example of LUCID Snandra Lee. You should hear her talk about that time she was "literally vertical" on a carnival ride. It's a hoot and a half.

Anyway, this woman is an abomination, a lush, and a complete and total waste of oxygen.

Later today, I will be posting a video of me assembling (she doesn't give recipes, she gives construction guidelines) one of the most vile ideas she had this past week (it's too early to see how it will stack against the Kwanzaa Cake and plenty of other culturally and aesthetically insulting entries in this series).

Apple Raisin Betty:
Butter flavored cooking spray
2 (21-ounce) cans apple pie filling (recommended: Comstock)
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 packets instant oatmeal with raisins and spice, divided (recommended: Quaker Oats)
6 tablespoons butter, divided

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Spray a 9 by 13-inch casserole dish with butter flavored cooking spray.

Spread the apple pie filling in the bottom of the casserole dish. Sprinkle with the cinnamon and 1 1/2 packets of oatmeal. Dot with half the butter. Repeat with remaining ingredients.

Cover with foil and bake for about 1 hour. Remove from oven and let sit for 5 minutes before serving.

MMmhhh....hopefully I can still stand after making this. I may need to hit up my own cocktail time and when I start drinking THIS early, it's never pretty.

Until later, I leave you with this:

Well, she certainly is a tramp...


Well, that sucks. My computer malfunctioned, I lost all the video footage, and I do NOT have enough money or a strong enough stomach to do it all again.

Here are some highlight photos that show how crazy this nitwit can make me act. And for the first time ever, SandyLooWho actually made me sick with her cuisine. It was bound to happen folks.

Review: Ina Garten's Herbed Baked Eggs

I spent today just sitting in front of the TV while surfing the web on my laptop and barely moved an inch. Suddenly, I realized I was hungry and wouldn't you know it, the episode of Barefoot Contessa on Food Network suddenly looked like the best thing in the world. At that moment, she was preparing Herbed Baked Eggs, which I just finished eating only a few minutes ago.

The recipe couldn't be simpler to prepare. In an oven safe dish (small), put 1 tablespoon of heavy cream and half a tablespoon of butter. Place this in your warmed up broiler for three minutes. In the mean time, break three large eggs into a cup or bowl. Also, mix 1/2 a cup of grated cheese (I used mozzarella) with some fresh herbs and spices (I just used crushed red pepper, a little cinnamon, some clove, and cracked black pepper) and a half teaspoon of minced garlic (from the jar is just fine). When the three minutes are up, remove the dish from the broiler and pour in your eggs. Then sprinkle your cheese/herb/garlic mixture on top and broil the entire thing for 5 to 6 minutes, enough time for the whites to become solid. Promptly remove from the broiler and let sit for a minute or two until it is cool enough so you don't burn your mouth. TrentSketch Safety Tip: Please don't taste test straight out of the broiler. Your tongue will thank you and the meal will taste much better. Serve the herbed baked eggs with some toasted bread or a good stiff dinner roll and enjoy.

My goodness, was this ever delicious. There is lots of room for variety in what ingredients you add and the process couldn't be any simpler. Plus, with three large (original recipe said extra large) eggs and some toast or a good roll, it is more than enough to be a meal itself. This was a pretty sophisticated egg dish best saved for when you don't plan to spend the rest of the night sitting home alone pigging out on some Fossil Fuel Ice Cream while pondering who is the pre-ordained winner of American Idol (my bet is Leslie Hunt, which you can read about at the best site for snark, Television Without Pity) or why Tyra Banks cast a whole lot of trannylicious ladies on cycle 8 of Top Model. TrentSketch Safety Tip Do not stare directly at the contestants on Top Model, ever. That way, you can maintain the illusion that all models are beautiful.