Special Feature: The 2006 Sketchy's for Achievement in Film

In honor of the Academy Awards tomorrow night, I will be hosting my official film awards show live, right now, on my blog.

Introducing The 2006 Sketchy's for Achievement in Film

This is no weak little awards ceremony with five nominees and endless categories. We dive right into the nitty gritty here with Gold, Silver, and Bronze awards in a few succinct categories that cover the full spectrum of films released on 2006. And yes, there will be spoilers.

Our first category is Best Performance in a Feature Film

Bronze - Ellen Page in Hard Candy: Ellen Page provides a tour-de-fore performance unmatched by anyone in her age range in the horribly underrated Hard Candy.

Silver - Doug Jones in Pan's Labyrinth: It's hard enough to act in a horror film and do a good job. Doug Jones gives not one but two of the strongest performances of the year in film in the dual roles of Pan and the Pale Man in the twisted masterpiece Pan's Labyrinth. Chilling work.

Gold - Jackie Earle Hayley in Little Children: Jackie Earle Hayley gives an iconic performance as a pedophile who wants nothing more than to please his mother in Little Children that will love on as one of the greats in cinematic history. Every single frame he's in oozes the pain, frustration, and dementia of this character. This is what acting is supposed to be.

Our next category is Scariest Scene in a Film

Bronze - Mama's Dead in Little Children: When Jackie Earle Hayley's character becomes completely unhinged upon the death of his mother, you know all hell will break loose. I don't know what I was more afraid of: what he might do to someone else or what he might do to himself.

Silver - Pale Man in Pan's Labyrinth: This is the scariest sequence in a truly horrifying film. From the blood colored walls to the eyeballs in the hand and hanging skin, this scene will be appearing in my nightmares for years.

Gold - The Palace Gates in The Queen: I know what your thinking: Trent Sketch, how the hell is that scary? You know nothing happens to her because this film is based on recent history and the Queen is still alive. Yes, yes she is. But that doesn't remove the tension, apprehension, and fear that Helen Mirren displays in addressing the silent crowd that hates her more than the paparazzi that chased down Princess Diana. Sometimes, implied horror and hatred is scarier than all the psychopathic killers you can lock up in a mental hospital.

Our next category is Funniest Scene in a Film:

Bronze - Borat Opening: Welcome to Kazakhstan indeed.

Silver - Meeting the Prom King in Little Children: This is the funniest sequence of the film, and the look of shock on those soccer mom's faces is priceless.

Gold - Meeting the New Prime Minister: This scene embodies the humor of The Queen and the approach to the subject matter: mocking the customs, not the people. That is why the film was so successful.

Our next category is Best Artistic Achievement in Technical Filmmaking

Bronze (Tie) - The Visual Effects Team of Perfume: The Story of a Murderer: This film had the single most convincing scene of CGI I have ever seen in a film: a handkerchief floating in the wind. Breathtaking and worthy of a spot on a digital gallery wall.

Bronze (tie) - Costume Design by Chung Man Yee in The Curse of the Golden Flower: Just Look At These Costumes. They look even better in motion.

Silver: Javier Navarrete's Scoring for Pan's Labyrinth - The single most haunting score of the year and probably one of the greatest ever composed for film.

Gold - Sound Department of Pan's Labyrinth: The most impressive aspect of this film is the sound design. It is pure perfection. Everything comes to life because you become surrounded in the fantasy world by the sound. Everything else just adds to it.

Our next category is Best Direction of a Film

Bronze - Guillermo del Toro for Pan's Labyrinth: His vision is so perfectly executed, his story so masterfully told, you have to give the man a lot of credit.

Silver - Stephen Frears for The Queen: This film could have easily been a total joke. Frears steers the film away from self parody and into an enjoyable drama that casts one of the most publicized deaths in history in an entirely new light.

Gold - Paul Greengrass for United 93: This is what direction should be. As World Trade Center showed, not just anybody can take on 9/11 and do it in a respectful and intelligent manner. Paul Greengrass is a filmmaker to watch for in the future.

Our final category is Best Achievement in Film

Bronze - Hard Candy


Silver - The Queen


Gold - Pan's Labyrinth


That's it for the 2006 Sketchy's for Achievement in Film